why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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