Define "chronic" masturbator.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
