But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
