My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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