why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
