Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
