I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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