Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
