is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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