Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
