After last night, I could never be a politician.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
