dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
