Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i dont even know how to be here
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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