glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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