Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
