another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
