if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
