What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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