Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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