last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
