Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
