I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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