I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
