I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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