if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
