Where did you get a picture of my penis
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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