Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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