An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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