coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found puke in my bra..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
