He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
