i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
