Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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