I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
