I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think my moral compass just broke
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
