Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We're too hungover to prance.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
