I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
