you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I pour the whiskey from now on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
