my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
