we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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