You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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