Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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