just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
