Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
