I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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