i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
