Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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