how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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