Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I believe in your delicious
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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