All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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