Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
